Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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