So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize