so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
