Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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