the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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