When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
