so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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