nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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