I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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