hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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