if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
