Can Purell be used as lube?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize