and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He has the fingertips of a God
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