Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
