He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize