Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
