first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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