my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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