it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
