Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
