i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
