me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
