Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
