I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
