Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
