i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
