i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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