I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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