Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
