note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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