I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
