You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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