she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
