I'm eating all of the evidence.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
