I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Duck Duck Cougar?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
