what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Are we still banned from the library?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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