Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
