I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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