walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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