god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you traded sex for a burrito?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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