so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
