Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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