Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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