awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
