U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
