please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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