Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize