I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
