i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You dont lie about slip and slides
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
