"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
