you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
