did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
