I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
