Sry I called you an 8
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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