I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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