I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
