Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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