So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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