so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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