I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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