____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
