I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
