marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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