dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
