i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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