i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
