Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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