Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
