My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
