there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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