I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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