1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
