I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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