Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
