My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
did i just pee glitter
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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