Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
