I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
