video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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