i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
