Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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