can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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