I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
