it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
