I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
