Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
