they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize