i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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