maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
