Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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