I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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