Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
