I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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