we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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