i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
