Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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