my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You left your phone here
Wait...
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