i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
