walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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