Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
