Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
